you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize