Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
