Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
