i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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