I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
