You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
