Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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