Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
