No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
