apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
