I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Boobs are out for the taking
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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