I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
