i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
