my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
