I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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