well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
