Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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