You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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