This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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