PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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