I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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