i permit you to call me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
