I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
