Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
