It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
