Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
