I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
