How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Boobs speak an international language.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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