Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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