You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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