Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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