in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The Olympian is in my bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
