so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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