Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
