I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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