I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize