I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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