drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
