I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
