I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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