Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
