i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My vagina is very pro this idea
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