Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
