i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
