Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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