After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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