is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
