Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
