You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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