I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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