i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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