i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
