i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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