I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
