Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
