i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
