i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
