dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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