My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
