I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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