The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize