When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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