I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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