does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I deserve this hangover.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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