I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
