every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
false alarm. still invincible.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She's the barista slut.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
