totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
