I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
