You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
