So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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