he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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