I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
