I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
