weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
