he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
