I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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