It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
