What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
