need another drink. this is the easiest way
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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