And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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